


I Hope You're Satisfied, Alexander

by CastielWinchester1967



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander Hamilton Being an Asshole, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Cheating, Depression, F/M, He doesn't deserve this, I am so sorry, I'm a terrible person, M/M, My Poor Gay Baby John, So much angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Why did my brain do this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 05:30:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11639898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastielWinchester1967/pseuds/CastielWinchester1967
Summary: Alexander Hamilton thought that he could get away with it. He thought it would be okay. He thought no one would know.Alexander Hamilton was so very wrong.





	I Hope You're Satisfied, Alexander

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry for this... Well now I have people to suffer with.... sorry again. This is only angst. If you want fluff, you won't be able to find it here. If you're triggered by suicide and depression, please don't read on. This is your warning.  
>  -Cas

Alexander Hamilton had been dating Elizabeth Schuyler for two weeks. He had been engaged to her for two hours. 

Sounds happy, right? Wrong. Alexander Hamilton had been dating the love of his life for three years. A man by the name of John Laurens. He was perfect. Covered from head to toe in freckles, an artist with a passion for turtles, and an undying love for one Alexander Hamilton.

Little did this beautiful, perfect man know that his "true love" was engaged to a woman. An angelic woman with a pure heart and innocent mind. She thought that the man she was engaged to was perfect. He was smart, handsome, and kind. But he was a liar. He was a cheater. He now had to lay in the grave he began to dig for himself the moment he said "Hello" to Eliza Schuyler.

\------Two Days Later------

It was their wedding day. Beautiful music swirled through the room as the "perfect couple" exchanged rings. Eliza promised her life to a liar. Alexander promised his life to a saint. He promised her a life that he already promised to another.

The priest smiled sweetly and said, "Mr. Hamilton, you may now kiss the bride."

Alexander leaned in and closed the space between them. As the two parted, the church doors burst open with all the peace of a hurricane. The beauty of the moment shatter by the sweaty figure that stood in the doorway.

This figure was covered from head to toe in freckles. His curly hair spun wildly around his face; some strands were stuck to his face with sweat. Tears spilt down the center of his cheeks as he stared at the man he loved in a suit, standing at the altar with a woman in a beautiful white dress.A ring on his finger matching one on her's.

John Laurens was too late. He had lost Alexander Hamilton. 

John froze for a moment before turning and sprinting down the street. He didn't make it far before he stopped and slid down the wall of a nearby bar.

Alexander exchanged looks with his wife before gently releasing her hand and running out the door of the church.

He ran until he saw the man he loved. The man he gave up. He came to a stop in front of him.

"John," he said softly.

"I hope you're happy, Alexander," John replied, so softly that he could barely be heard.

"I'm so sorry, John. I-" 

"Don't apologize if you don't mean it. You proposed to her. You cheated on me. You left me on the dust, Alexander. I hope you enjoy your life. You obviously want it more than the awful life I was giving you," John interrupted as he stood and started to walk away.

"John. No, please! I'm so sorry! I don't know what I was thinking! I don't want to lose you. Please."

"Maybe you should've thought about that before you told her that you love her. Maybe you should've thought about that before you kissed her. Before you held her hand and promised your love to her. Maybe you should've thought about that before you broke every promise that you made to me. Maybe you should've thought. I hope you're satisfied, Alexander."

Alexander was left speechless as the love of his life wiped his tears away and left Alexander on the sidewalk. A man of words left with a broken heart and not a letter to save it.

Alexander turned around and made his way back to the church and called off the wedding. He ripped his ring off and threw it on the ground. He left Eliza and tried to call John.

It went straight to voicemail.

\------At John's Apartment------

John Laurens was heartbroken.

The love of his life was married. He would be going to live with her. They would have kids. They would grow old together while John turned to dust broken-hearted and alone.

He wasn't going to live that way. He wasn't going to live at all. John found a notebook, picked up his favorite pen, one that Alexander had gotten him that had turtles engraved into the metal, and began to write.

"To Anyone That Actually Cares,

Goodbye. I've got nothing left here, so why should I burden you with my problems and my tears. I'm sorry for leaving you with my crap to deal with. Donate it to Goodwill. Keep what you can use. God knows I won't need it anymore. I'll try to be clean about this. I don't want anyone to have to clean up my mess. I thought I could be happy. I thought I had everything I needed to live happily. I was wrong. Don't blame Alexander. I don't blame him for anything. Who would want me anyway? So no, he did nothing wrong. He just found someone better. Lafayette and Hercules, I'm sorry but I can't hold on anymore. Take care of my turtles, if you don't mind. Or at least find them a good home. And Alexander, if you found the time to read this, I love you. I always will. Nothing you could do would change that. Even if you don't love me back, I will always love you.

Always and Forever,  
John Laurens"

John placed the letter carefully on the kitchen counter where it could easily be seen before walking into the bathroom. He began to run the water in the bathtub and opened the cabinet. He picked up the small rectangular razor off of the bottom shelf.

He didn't bother to take his clothes off before sitting in the tub and slowly but forcefully dragged the blade vertically down his forearm, cutting deep enough to burst the vein in his arm before moving on to the other arm. 

Once both arms had deep, angry, red gashed reaching his elbows, he placed the razor on the edge of the tub and sank his arms into the now red water so as not to drip blood on the floor. He watched as black spots started to fill his vision.

He listened as a loud knock on the door sounded. "Mon ami? We heard what happened with Alexander! Are you alright?" a familiar French voice said through the door. 

When John didn't respond, Lafayette unlocked the door with his spare key, "John? Where are you?" 

John's felt his body go cold as his vision went completely black and his heart stopped. The last thing he heard was Hercules quietly saying, "Oh God no," as they found they letter.

Lafayette yelled, "John!" when they found his body, bloody and soaked in the bathtub. They were too late. John's body was already going cold and he wasn't breathing.

John Laurens was announced dead at 5:43 p.m. on Saturday, December 14th in his apartment in downtown Manhatten.

\------Three Days Later------

The room had old, flower-patterned wallpaper that John would've hated. The chairs were almost empty. The only people attending were Hercules and Lafayette, who were both crying and trying to comfort eachother, Henry Laurens and his children were there, but didn't stay long. They didn't mourn the death of the South Carolinian senator's failure of a son.

George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and Peggy Schuyler were all present. There was only one more guest. Alexander Hamilton stood on the back of the room; tear tracks a permanent fixture on his face. He didn't feel welcome there. Why should he? He cheated on him. He left him for a high school crush. He didn't deserve to mourn.

John was too pale. His freckles almost completely hidden underneath of the mask of makeup on his face. His arms were stiff at his side so that the cuts that were now sewn together couldn't be seen. He wore a suit that he would never actually wear.

His hair was fanned out around his head. His once bright-blue eyes were closed so that he looked like he was sleeping. Alexander wished that John was just sleeping.

He stepped forward and began to walk toward the dark oak coffin. Everyone looked up at the sound of movement and glared at the man as he walked toward the casket. He hung his head and looked at the floor until he reached his destination.

He looked at John's too-pale face. Alexander reached up and took off the necklace that hung around his neck. A turtle made of silver that John had bought him from South Carolina when he had to spend Christmas with his family.

He gently placed the necklace around John's cold neck and clasped the back of it together. He placed his hand gently on the side of John's face as tears began to fall again. He pulled his hand back and turned to the people that he used to call his friends. He looked down to his feet. 

"I'm so sorry. This is all my fault," he whispered the words yet through the quiet, everyone could hear him before he walked out the door and collapsed in tears on the front steps of the funeral home.

He watched through the window as they closed the lid over John's beautiful face and carried the casket out to the black hearse that was parked outside. He watched as the funeral procession left the parking lot and brought the love of his life to the cemetery. He watched.

He thought of the last words John ever said to him.

"I hope you're satisfied, Alexander."

Alexander Hamilton would never be satisfied.


End file.
